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This keeps me growing - Toby
Sermon Summary
Toby teaches that having hard conversations—though uncomfortable and challenging—helps us grow deeper roots in our relationships with others and with God, leading to true peace, humility, and fruitful community when we remain connected to Christ as our source
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Toby reflects on the cost of keeping a fragile peace and the spiritual discipline of engaging in hard conversations. Using a personal story about impulsive spending that avoided real communication, the talk reveals how avoidance and anxiety masquerade as peace but erode trust and create messier conflicts later. Scripture anchors the argument: Psalm 1’s imagery of a tree planted by streams underscores the need for deep roots; Proverbs calls for humility, listening, and receptiveness to correction; John 15 and the pruning metaphor insist that abiding in Christ is the source of true growth. The account of Peter’s denial and Jesus’ restorative, threefold questioning shows that confronting failure lovingly can lead not to condemnation but to restoration, clarity of calling, and strengthened witness.
Practical rhythm is emphasised: spiritual practices—Sabbath, scripture meditation, community disciplines—form the roots that enable believers to receive correction without defensiveness and to enter tough conversations with grace. Hard conversations are reframed as spiritual tools that prune selfishness, expose anxiety, and invite repentance and reconciliation. The talk presses for humility over performative peace, urging believers to bring messy realities honestly before God and others so that healing and fruitfulness follow. In closing, two pointed questions invite listeners to identify relationships neglected by silence and the inner burdens withheld from God, encouraging concrete steps toward confessing, listening, and repair. The overall call is to trade comfort-driven avoidance for vulnerable engagement grounded in Christ, so relationships and communities bear lasting fruit.
Key Takeaways
1. Avoid peace through avoidance:
Keeping the illusion of calm by sidestepping conflict only delays the inevitable fracture of trust. Avoidance often protects personal comfort at the expense of collective accountability, producing patchwork solutions that demand more energy later. Naming the avoidance exposes the anxiety beneath it and creates space for honest repair.
2. Hard conversations deepen relational roots:
Difficult talks are not merely confrontations but opportunities to enlarge mutual understanding and covenantal trust. When entered with humility and a posture to learn, they realign expectations, reveal hidden needs, and allow relationships to bear mature fruit. The work of relational pruning prepares partners to thrive, not collapse, under pressure.
3. Invite God into difficult conversations:
God does more than tolerate confession; God uses confrontation and pruning to redirect life toward flourishing. Bringing messiness to God prevents performance-based faith and opens one to corrective grace that reshapes desire and action. Allowing the Spirit to lead these moments turns sharpness into restoration.
4. Listen before defending yourself:
Immediate rebuttal is a temptation that masks fear and preserves self-image; listening first honours the other and reveals whether correction is gift or grievance. Active listening creates a disarming space for truthful exchange and keeps pride from turning a repairable issue into rupture. Responding after hearing cultivates wisdom and humility.
Daily Hope Devotionals
Day 1: Moving Beyond Surface Peace to Build Deeper Roots
Scripture:
Psalm 1:1-3
Blessed is the one who does not walk in step with the wicked or stand in the way that sinners take or sit in the company of mockers, but whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and who meditates on his law day and night. That person is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither— whatever they do prospers.
https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm%201%3A1-3&version=NIV
Devotional:
It is natural to want everything to work together harmoniously and to avoid the discomfort of conflict. However, simply avoiding difficult topics often leads to an illusion of peace that masks underlying tension. When you choose to address issues directly rather than suppressing them, you allow your relationships to grow stronger and more resilient. True peace is not found in the absence of struggle, but in the honesty that follows a hard conversation. By stepping into these moments with humility, you create a foundation for lasting connection and genuine community.
Reflection:
Think of a relationship in your life where you have been "keeping the peace" by staying silent. What is one honest thought or feeling you could share this week to move toward a more genuine connection?
Prayer:
Father, I want to be like the tree planted by streams of water, deeply rooted in Your Word and presence. Help me to delight in Your law and meditate on it day and night. Strengthen my faith through Sabbath rest, prayer, and other spiritual practices that keep me connected to You. When hard conversations come, may I stand firm, grounded in Your love and truth, bearing fruit in every season. Amen.
Day 2: Cultivating Wisdom Through a Teachable Heart
Scripture:
Proverbs 12:15 (NIV)
The way of fools seems right to them, but the wise listen to advice.
https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Proverbs%2012%3A15&version=NIV
Devotional:
Growth often requires the humility to listen before speaking and the willingness to receive advice from others. While it can feel like a personal attack when someone brings a concern to you, these moments are actually opportunities to deepen your roots. A wise heart recognises that correction is not a sign of failure but a tool for refinement. By pausing before responding and listening openly, you move away from the need to always be right. This posture of teachability allows God to produce good fruit in your life through the wisdom of those around you.
Reflection:
When someone offers you feedback or correction, what is your typical internal reaction? How might inviting the Holy Spirit into that moment help you listen with curiosity rather than defensiveness?
Prayer:
Lord, I thank You for the reminder that peace is not just the absence of conflict but the presence of honest, humble conversations. Help me to face the tough talks with courage, not to avoid or mask the issues. Teach me to communicate openly and lovingly, so my relationships can grow deeper and stronger. Give me wisdom to listen well and humility to speak truth in love. May these conversations be life-giving and build lasting peace. Amen.
Day 3: Strengthening Our Connection to Christ the True Vine
Scriptures:
John 15:5 (NIV)
I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.
https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John%2015%3A5&version=NIV
Devotional:
To stand strong during life’s challenges, you must be deeply planted in the life-giving presence of Jesus. Just as a branch cannot bear fruit on its own, your spiritual vitality depends entirely on your willingness to abide in Him. Engaging in spiritual practices like Sabbath rest and prayer helps establish the root system necessary for a healthy life. When you are connected to the Source, you can face difficult conversations and detours without being easily shaken. Remaining in Christ ensures that even in seasons of pruning, you are being prepared to bear much fruit.
Reflection:
Looking at the pace of your current week, what is one small way you can create space to "abide" and reconnect with God’s presence amidst your daily responsibilities?
Prayer:
Lord, sometimes I want to avoid the hard conversations because they make me uncomfortable or anxious. But I know that You call me to honesty and growth. Give me the courage to step into those moments, trusting that You are with me. Help me to see these conversations as opportunities to deepen relationships and grow in love, not as threats to my peace. Strengthen me to face what needs to be said with grace. Amen.
Day 4: Finding Freedom Through Honest Conversations With God
Scripture:
Luke 22:61-62 (NIV)
The Lord turned and looked straight at Peter. Then Peter remembered the word the Lord had spoken to him: “Before the rooster crows today, you will disown me three times.” And he went outside and wept bitterly.
https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John%2015%3A5&version=NIV
Devotional:
It is tempting to offer God only the "surface-level" prayers that feel safe and appropriate. You might worry that your mistakes or messy emotions are too much for the Creator to handle. Yet, the scriptures show that God invites your wrestling, your questions, and even your failures. He already knows the depths of your heart and is waiting to meet you with love rather than condemnation. Bringing your true self to Him is the only way to experience the healing and forgiveness He offers. Do not let the fear of being "imperfect" keep you from the very relationship that can set you free.
Reflection:
Is there a specific "messy" area of your life—perhaps a recurring struggle or a hidden hurt—that you’ve been hesitant to discuss with God? What would it look like to tell Him the whole truth about it today?
Prayer:
Father, I confess that sometimes I hide my mess and my struggles from You, afraid You won’t accept the real me. Thank You that You already know everything and love me anyway. Help me to bring my whole heart to You, even the messy, frustrating parts. Let me experience Your forgiveness, healing, and restoration as I open up to You honestly. May my relationship with You grow deeper through these honest moments. Amen.
Day 5: Allowing God’s Pruning to Lead to a New Future
Scripture:
John 21:17 (NIV)
The third time he said to him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?” Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, “Do you love me?” He said, “Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you.” Jesus said, “Feed my sheep.
https://www.bible.com/bible/111/JHN.21.17
Devotional:
Even when you have failed or turned away, God is faithful to seek you out and invite you back into His purposes. Hard conversations with the Lord are not meant to shame you, but to restore you and clarify your calling. Like Peter on the beach, you may find that God’s questions probe deeply, yet they always lead toward a future of service and grace. Pruning can be painful, but it redirects your energy so that you can grow stronger and more focused. Trust that the one who began a good work in you is ready to forgive and lead you forward.
Reflection:
When you consider the "pruning" you might be experiencing right now, how might God be using this season to redirect your heart toward a specific way of serving others?
Prayer:
Jesus, teach me to pause before I respond, to listen with an open heart, and to seek Your wisdom rather than my own agenda. Help me to approach every hard conversation with humility, not pride or defensiveness. May I be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry, so that my words bring healing and understanding. Let Your Spirit guide me in every interaction. Amen.
Day 6: The Courage to Speak Truth in Love
Scripture:
Proverbs 27:17
As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.
https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Proverbs%2027%3A17&version=NIV
Devotional:
Sometimes, the hardest thing to do is to speak up when something is wrong or needs to be addressed. As Toby shared, avoiding tough conversations might seem easier at the moment, but it often leads to bigger problems later on. When we choose silence to keep the peace, we might actually be masking anxiety or fear, and that can hurt our relationships. But God calls us to a different way. Proverbs reminds us that wisdom is found in those who listen and take advice. Having the courage to speak truth with humility and love is a spiritual discipline that helps us grow deeper roots in our relationships and in God. It’s not about winning arguments or proving who’s right, but about building understanding and community.
Reflection:
Is there a conversation you’ve been avoiding out of fear or discomfort? Ask God to give you courage and wisdom to approach it with love and humility. Remember, deep roots grow through honest and loving communication.
Prayer:
Father, I pray that You would help me to be connected to others in community, willing to have the hard conversations that build trust and understanding. Help me to be a person who listens well, speaks truth in love, and seeks reconciliation. May my relationships reflect Your love and bring glory to You. Let these connections be a source of strength and growth for all involved. Amen.
Day 7: Rooted in Christ, Bearing Fruit in Every Season
Scriptures:
John 15:8 (NIV)
This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.
https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John%2015%3A8&version=NIV
Devotional:
The image of a tree planted by streams of water is powerful. When our roots go deep into God’s love and truth, we can withstand storms and seasons of difficulty. Toby reminded us that abiding in Christ is the key to bearing fruit. Without Him, we can do nothing. This means spending time in God’s Word, resting in Him, and practising spiritual disciplines like Sabbath rest and community. It also means being honest with God about the messy, frustrating parts of our lives. Sometimes we try to keep a “peace” that’s only surface level by hiding our struggles from God and others. But God already knows our hearts and wants us to bring everything to Him, even the hard stuff. When we let God prune us through these hard conversations—with Him and with others—we grow stronger and more fruitful. This is not easy, but it leads to true peace and a deeper connection.
Reflection:
Are you hiding anything from God or others to keep the peace? Invite the Holy Spirit to help you be honest and open. Trust that God’s pruning is for your growth and fruitfulness in every season.
Prayer:
Holy Spirit, I invite You to lead me in every difficult conversation I face. Fill me with Your peace, wisdom, and love. Help me to take steps with humility and grace, even when it’s hard. Remind me that these conversations are root-growing moments that will strengthen my faith and relationships. Thank You for being with me always. Amen.
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